Monday, May 9, 2016

Never Again (5/9/2016)

As the warm, coziness of early evening approached, I slipped outside, feeling the need to feel the breeze on my cheeks. Stepping out on onto the porch, I clenched my hands over the rough wooden railing and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I noticed something--tonight the air smelt of summer; not only that, it brought to mind summers of my childhood. I leaned my head further back, my stomach turning with a hint of deep sadness, as I remembered those early childhood days of swinging with my brother and sister in the backyard at our old house, of playing “Ready Set Go” around the big tree in that yard. Of days spent completely in the pool, joined by my older sister and her baby boy. Of days spent running through the sprinkler, filled with excitement at the thought of our impending vacation. Of playing “Pesky Squirrel” with friends I have known my entire life. I thought of bare feet, smoothies, birthday parties, and playing dolls with my sister. And I longed for it back. I could never recapture the happiness of those days. I could never recapture the little girl who was who she was, no apologies offered. I could never recapture the little girl who didn’t over analyze everything anyone said to her; who simply loved without abandon. I could never again be that child who saw the world as a wondrous place; who saw life as an adventure to be pursued with joy. I could never be that child again. I sighed, and slowly dragged my feet to go back indoors, back to the reality of my present life as a nearly 16 year old, a part of my heart still breaking to go back to the life I once had.


  1. You just put everything I've been feeling for the past few months into words better than my own heart could! Christine, I don't think you realize how beautifully you write!

    And even though we can't get the carefree, joyous days back, we can keep dancing forward and determine to make the next years of our life even better than those were (yeah, I know, that would be really, really hard...)!

    P.S. Can't wait to see you this summer!!!

    1. Aww, thanks, Lissie! That means so much to me! :)
      It will be hard; but anything worth having is hard, right? And I guess I'm just grateful I had as good of w childhood as I did. ❤️
      P.P.S. I can't wait either! Just a little over two months!

  2. Hey Christine! You've been tagged for iheart writing!


Hearing from you is the highlight of my day. :)